Our Beginnings Never Know Our Ends

Imbolc Spiral Stone, Colette O’Neill, 2012

Thoughts on Imbolc and the Perseverance of Hope

In this last six-ish weeks of Winter, there is a feeling, an impulse rustling at the edge of crocus buds jutting, verdant, out of the frosty ground. You catch it in the sudden song of returning starlings, something offbeat, upbeat, swift. Like that dark moment before the movie starts. We sit, hushed, hearts thumping, wondering, “What will we see? What will we feel? What will we say about it?”

There is a rush (in my opinion) in some Northern Hemisphere traditions to hurry through these last moments of Winter, sweep it out the door with the Yule greens, giving a quick nod to The Queen in White. But The Crone not only deserves Her time of year, but She’ll also take it, whether you offer it up willingly or not.

Cailleach, the Celtic Crone Hag Goddess of Winter and Storms and Time, is at times described as the twin of the Goddess Brigid, who is all fire and red hair and bouncy boobs. Caill means veil or mantle, hence Her name as The Veiled One. She was unknowable. She was called “The Daughter of the Little Sun,” harkening to Her dominion over Winter. Cailleach kidnaps Brigid in some stories, suppressing her life force until another God, like Aengus, comes to save her. Oddly many of the “saving” techniques involve giving the Hag Goddess a kiss or even making love to Her, which magickally transforms Her back into a maiden, or Brigid Herself. She is connected to another Water/Hag Goddess who is quite lusty, Sheela-Na-Gig, known for Her spread-legged stance where She is depicted holding Her vagina wide open. Similar also, to Baba Yaga, the Russian Witch Goddess. All these Hags are fierce, bringing storms and rage with them as they strip the land of life, but all waiting for the Kiss, to bring them back to life. Sex and Death, intertwined as far back as we can see.

I think this impatience to be done with Winter stems out of a few things. We in developed countries are used to our electric light and running water and public transport that caters to us 24 hours a day. We can do whatever we want whenever we want. The cold and snow and ice of Winter undoubtedly put a damper on that, freezing planes to tarmacs and shutting down whole cities infrastructures. During Winter, we produce less serotonin, a compound our brain uses to regulate mood and productivity, resulting for many people in being lethargic, apathetic, and sometimes depressed. During Winter, we come face to face with the primordial spirit of Death in all its myriad forms. We are reminded on a biological level that life on this ball of rock is sustained through a delicate balance of random numbers like degrees of tilt of the planet, minutes of sunlight per day and magnetic poles behaving predictably. Systems that at this time, even with our great strides in science and technology, we have no real control over, and barely understand. This may change in the future, and that is also something to consider at Imbolc.

The title of this piece comes from a playwright named Harold Pinter, from his Nobel Lecture “Art, Truth, and Politics.” At this point in the lecture, he is discussing the ephemeral environment that art exists in, where all things are simultaneously true and not true, impossible and possible all at once. This is a quintessential element of Imbolc. In these last six weeks of Winter, we float in a place where everything and nothing exists. Where we can purify and strip down to the fundamental notion of ourselves, and then purposefully slip on layers of meaning. Where we can consciously decide what we will build our “self” with and what we will destroy or allow to be destroyed, burn away, wash away, air out, and what we will let grow once we have cleared the space.

The New Moons that we work with during this stretch of time (Winter Solstice through Imbolc) are in Capricorn and Aquarius. Both of the New Moons can be uncomfortable reminders of power struggles we face in our own lives and are surrounded by in the world. They speak to being left behind by people who have supported us but have stuff to do without us and how that experience influences us in sharing our energy going forward. What are the underpinnings of your philosophical viewpoint on ‘social fairness’? What does that look like in your world? Everyone will have a different answer to this as we all live in different contexts, but the point is, now is a great time of year to have these conversations with yourself. These two New Moons support our work to undo, let go and be done with manipulative and self-harming ways we communicate and think on these subjects, and open up loving, balanced, and healthy pathways for communication with your selves and your community on how we can share responsibility and power and support inclusivity. You will be in sync with the Earth as it washes out and airs out its waterways and rivers, it’s plains and its forests. What is actually working for the whole system? And what is fundamentally weak and will not serve the future?

I have been thinking about Winter being a season of clearing and purification. In Capricorn, we clear the body and the home, we purify the body and by the end of it the physical space. In Aquarius, we clear our minds, we clear our ethics, our philosophies get aired out. In Pisces, we wash out our emotions, we wash out our souls. In all regards, we are preparing the Self for the incoming ____________ that will arrive in Spring.

Coming back to the title, in Pitner’s lecture, he is discussing the malleability of truth. At this time of year, we float in a sea of possibility, we are All Things and No Thing Yet. This is a state we must entertain to actually “reset” ourselves before the growth of Spring. But what of that growth? When the time comes, out here in the “real” world, we are forced to decide, to become. In the physical world, a thing cannot be two things or real and not real simultaneously. It must be, or not be. And we are not only the creation being born, but we are the determiners of what will be or not be. It is us who build this future, today, now, with these hands, these eyes, these prejudices, these experiences, hence why clearing out all your old beliefs and personal baggage becomes such a Holy Act. This isn’t just day-time-talk-show-style self-help fluff. This is where your spiritual concepts must hit the reality of life. You can believe whatever you want – but that inner world bleeds out into the shared physical reality. Out here, we are not allowed the luxury of merely floating in potential eternal, we must concretize reality, birth it, name it and raise it. If we haven’t gotten right with our inner turmoil, we just pass it along to the next generation. This is not hyperbole. We have assumed that evolution took thousands of years to make tiny changes to the species. Recent discoveries in genetic evolution now reveal that significant events that affect parents can change the DNA structure in their children and grandchildren. We are literally handing these problems to future generations if we do not deal with them in ourselves.

The Star card in Tarot is connected to Aquarius the Western astrology sign for this time of year. A beacon in the dark. In fact, much of our experience at this time of year is akin to St. John’s Dark Night of the Soul, wherein the author, 16th-century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross, describes the journey the soul undergoes to meet God, who is ultimately unknowable, or dark. Later scholars and Saints described their own dark nights as a spiritual crisis which eventually gave way to an ecstatic epiphany about the nature of God and reality. These are places where existential freakouts occur. What is the nature of reality? What is the Self? What is Good or Evil? Who am I? Why am I? We can fall into an insular funk during February, rarely leaving our caves or labs to deal with the outside world. But the Magician knows they need to head into the dark, to let their inner eye adjust, to be able to see their own Light, hiding within. The Witch knows that these are necessary conversations and trials if we are to be balanced and complete beings. The deep richness of potential, whether it is wet black thawing earth, awaiting the seed, or the infinite black universe awaiting our evolution, this time is our womb right now, and we are gestating our future selves, not to be rushed, but to arrive with a new concept of self, right on time.

We see lots of light without heat symbolism in holidays at this time of year, especially for Witches. The beautiful crown of candles worn by the High Priestess is a combination of Pagan and Catholic tradition, bringing in Candlemass imagery from the Church. Who is High Priestess for this holiday differs by folkways. In some practices the youngest girl will wear the fiery crown as a symbol of the youth of Spring, bringing in the light. This can invoke the energy of Dawn or other very early Spring Goddesses. However, in other traditions, it is worn by the Mother or a powerful, independent “middle-aged” woman, invoking the sovereign energy of Brigid, who is a parthenogenetic (self-impregnating) Goddess responsible for teaching the Celts all their skills and handcrafts, like midwifery and blacksmithing.

And through all this, the Shaman, the Witch, the Wisdom Keepers, the Mothers are counting days in raindrops, watching stars rise on the back of crisp black nights against standing stones, and Keeping Time, assuring the village that the Sun and Light and heat are returning, someday. Our Wisdom Keepers, Crafts People, Teachers, and Ancestors, as well as the self-care-skills we have acquired ourselves, see us through this time of year, and it is appropriate to honor them. Because while we are doing this vital work of building the Self, the Outer World still needs to be attended to. Think of the child in the womb. Their Mother still lives her life with all it’s ups and downs, even as the fetus develops inside her. While you are doing this work, be sure to honor those people – past, present and future – who are holding space for you to heal, who are attending to reality while you slip out of it for a while, and who possibly were the sources of the stuff you are using to build yourself and your worldview. Those Holy Ancestors were just ordinary folks trying to make their way in the world.

Conversely, we are those Holy Ancestors, for future peoples. Knowing that, knowing that we can course correct as a species, perhaps in only a few generation’s time, what elements of the past must be left behind? What kind of future are you dreaming of?

1. “Harold Pinter: Nobel Lecture: Art, Truth & Politics.” Nobelprize.org. Nobel Media AB 2014.


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